by Don Hooton
In the wake of the wedding of our Joshua to Chandler in 2016, I wrote an article by this same title. And now, after Sarah’s wedding to Drew this week – if you would allow me to do this again – there are some things I have considered and want to share in hopes it will be of benefit.
First, weddings are social constructs that cultures have made around marriage. It was God who instituted marriage in Eden for the benefit of one man and one woman (c.f. Genesis 2:24-25). As humanity has carried on in its every generation these wedding celebrations around that event have taken many forms. Some cultures celebrate for a week and most American weddings last a day. Whether one is better than another is a matter of the critic’s opinion. Yet shouldn’t everyone understand that the very presence of the celebrations in our social experience is because of what marriage means – from the God who instituted it. Celebrations grow out of one’s perceived value of the event just like Thanksgiving or other holidays. I’ll pray that all cultures across the globe will realize why there are wedding celebrations in the first place – because of this sacred union God calls marriage for a man and woman to bless them and their community.
Second, weddings give Christians the opportunity to shine as lights. Several times this week, different vendors who helped at our wedding made a point to tell me that they were amazed at, as one woman put it, “how God and His covenant was all around this wedding. It was so beautiful,” an observation she said she made from the speeches of the bridal party and the behavior of the guests. It wasn’t the flowers. It wasn’t the chairs. It wasn’t the music. It was the truth in the words people spoke that this marriage – and all marriages – are for the glory of God. One vendor who had worked bartending at many weddings made another observation that the people he had seen mostly at weddings were all about the party but these were all about God and faith. So just as Jesus’ mother Mary made the Cana feast the perfect place for Him to grace that Cana family by saving them from the embarrassment of running out of wine, Christians can be the saving grace for the world to see the beauty of the gospel in their weddings. “Whatever you do, in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus” (Colossians 3:17a) “so that in everything [we] may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior” (Titus 2:10). So whether you are planning a wedding or attending a wedding, there is never a reason to “let your hair down” or “let it all hang out;” Instead, it is a place to appear as children of God “in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the world of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain” (Philippians 2:15-16).
Third, “marriage should be held in honor among all” (Hebrews 13:5). When Christians dishonor their vows, they grant the tempter his success and present the world with reason to undermine the gospel’s power. At weddings, commitments to fidelity and love should be the demonstration of both bride and groom. In communities, marriages of Christians should illuminate that truth. And in homes, marriages should recall and restore the Divine call to matrimony every day. No one suggests any of those things are easy. But every one of those things are essential to life. “When I say, I do” are not just words; they are honorable commitments and covenants to the marriage relationship God offered for us so that we could feel the power of His unconditional love in the Christ forever more (c.f. Ephesians 5:22ff, emphasis v. 32). As society reels from its own selfishness, marriage should teach us the unselfish way. In love, there is no I.
Fourth, the world is always watching. I preach. And I preach that truth too. But when people come to you, just as those vendors did to me, and notice those things about God and His Covenant as so different and beautiful, how do you respond? I suppose I did not notice it because had it been missing, I would have noticed it missing! Everything we do is on display, folks. The way you treat the waiter; the way you talk to your neighbor’s child; and just simply – the way you are. As Christians, how could we talk about marriage without talking about God and His covenant? It is not the “all seeing eye” to scare you into obedience kind of thinking; It is the realization that “the way that I am is the way I want to be – and I don’t mind if the world sees it” kind of life. Preaching has with it all sorts of challenges – not least of which is the higher standards Christians often place upon them and the “all seeing eye” (i.e. criticism) that often accompanies it. I have been blessed in many ways. I’m grateful. But I am aware that all Tracey and I have ever done to help our kids to be good Christians was simply because we were Christians – but not because I am a preacher. We were going to try to be what God wanted in us all – and failed often we did – and prayed often we did – but when God is the only One you want to please, you don’t shudder when the world is watching – you just pray that they see Jesus.
And last, weddings are opportunities for community. Many helped us in uncountable ways to make the day special. And others are still asking if there is anything they can do. It’s a joyous thing to be loved so much that people want to help. But then I remember – that they don’t just love me or my wife – they love. They love God. And what better way to show the world the way to God than to show love like that all the time – and not just at weddings? “And whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is, so also are we in this world” (1John 4:16-17).
May God be glorified – in all you do.